Sunday, January 23, 2005

First Post

Well, I'm not really sure where to start. This is a rather private blog I have.

I'm feeling a bit blah this evening. It's Sunday night and I'm not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Joe had to work all weekend and we didn't get to spend a lot of time together.

Well, we had some. I bought the third Harry Potter movie on DVD and we ordered a pizza last night and watched it. That was nice. The only problem is, it kept us up til 1am and now Joe's sound asleep, he's so tired.

And it's barely 8pm.

Poor thing...I didn't realize he got off work at noon today and he had to wait 3 hours before I picked him up. I was online when he called to have me come get him, and I didn't think to check the voice mail.

Poor Joe. He doesn't deal well with chilly days; his knees play up on him when it gets chilly. He wasn't feeling himself when I picked him up.

Something has come over him to where he's being incredibly sweet. He cuddled me and snuggled me and did other lovely things to me last night, before we watched the movie. I hope so desperately that he is serious about not wanting anyone else and wanting to do whatever it takes to make me happy. So far, so good.

I see so much good in him. He could be so very sweet; I know he's capable of it. He himself says that any person is capable of redemption from poor behavior; that would have to include him.

Although I have to admit sometimes I still feel that he doesn't quite take my fears and insecurities seriously. I'm sharply aware of my vulnerability before him; he could so easily play me the fool. That's where the insecurity comes in.

I wish to everything he understood and had some kind of sensitivity about it.

If he does, he's not always good at expressing it.

Makes me afraid to get involved with anyone else ever...makes me think that all men treat women that way.

Great Scott, I've got to be careful not to talk myself into believing certain things here.

I really should be working on the Imbolg ritual, but my heart's not really into it. Yet I know I'll pull it off somehow.

I like keeping rituals, esp. sabbats, fairly simple. I don't feel the need to do magic with every single rite I perform...and in fact generally don't do magic any more. I'm not in this for magic, but for religious devotion.

There are a lot of things I'd like to do, including teach online classes or something like that. One of these days I'll figure out how.


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